How A Senior Must Prepare For Golf

Swallow a couple of Bufferin against the old back injury…a swift application of some mild anaesthetic for the bothersome scar tissue from that old haemorrhoidectomy…clean the spectacles…rub a little resin on the last three fingers of the left hand.

Stand up straight-think of Raquel Welch (on second thoughts, don’t think of Raquel Welch)

Comb the hair smoothly and think of the swing of Dave Marr.

Walk very slowly, masterfully, to the first tee.

Put on the cap bought in Edinburgh and think of Hogan.

Stand up Straight.

Alistair Cooke


Scottish Caddies

Are apt to say….for a straight drive “We’re rait down the meddle” for the first slice “You’re way awf in the gorse”.

Scottish caddies, like nurses, alternate between the first person plural and the second person singular as a handy method of distributing praise and blame.

Alistair Cooke

Golf-The Marvelous Mania (2007)

Golf Inverted

For those of you who sought insight by playing your Beatles albums backwards consider that flipping the spelling of Golf you get….

verb: flog; 3rd person present: flogs; past tense: flogged; past participle: flogged; gerund or present participle: flogging
  1. 1.
    beat (someone) with a whip or stick as punishment or torture.
    “the stolen horses will be returned and the thieves flogged”
    synonyms: whip, scourge, flagellate, lash, birch, switch, cane, thrash, beat;

    tan someone’s hide
    “the thief was flogged”

Seems appropriate………

May, 2015

On The Money

On the subject of Old Money vs New Money

Old money members never wear wristwatches…they don’t have to be anywhere or do anything.

A New Money member’s bulging gold Rolex lost time momentarily the other day and caused a brownout in a major American city.

Dan Jenkins

Unplayable Lies (2015)

Night Golf: Putting Like Ray

It is a disorienting thing to try to read your putt with your feet but this is what you have to do when you are out on the course on the darkest night of the month like special forces commandos in neon bling trying to figure out the pace and turn on an uphill 20 footer for birdie.

Tee time is approachin'

Tee time is approaching…..

In one of our coolest events of the year we do a couples scramble playing night golf from the forward tees with neon balls and a truck load of Oriental Trading glow sticks for demarcation of teeing grounds, cart paths, bunkers, water hazards, and the pin. Honestly the biggest challenge of the evening is not driving into a bunker or worse as you wend your way about a familiar course rendered unfamiliar by the shroud of darkness.  “Oh, you meant that tree!”  Screeching brakes would indicate that the responsible warning against unreasonable intake of adult beverages was not heeded by all.

Little pre-game provisions and precautionary explainin'

Pre-game provisions, accessorizing. and precautionary explainin’….anyone listening?

With a bang of the Night Flyer on the pavement your ball elicits it’s warm and luminous glow, at least for about 10 minutes before requiring a little cart path reminder. Which leads to the uncomfortable possibility that you are standing on the 10th tee preparing for a soft fade down the left and as you draw the Rocketballz head away from the ball someone switches off it’s light. Now you are wondering, when I deliver this club back to the impact zone is there really going to be something with dimples awaiting it’s return. Often night golf takes trust…unwavering and unquestioned trust…just to get the ball into play.

As you can see this requires visualization

With not a whole lot of visual feedback at address…willful suspension of disbelief is required

Once you do get it going it is a sight to behold. Flight path is clear as the Pro Tracer from the Sunday broadcast against the night sky. The bounce out of an approach looks like a three-frame cartoon rendering and the apres visual of the putting line leaves little doubt about the influence of the slope your feet seemed to miscalculate. Needless to say there is great value in being second in the scramble putting sequence.

Some invaluable on board technology can be a big help

Some invaluable on board guidance technology can be a big help

Distancing is a big issue as well. Even though they look and feel like the real pills these luminous puppies only fly around 80% of your expected distance. It is like playing a course measured in meters well below sea level, there is an add increment to the preshot figurin’ equivalent to a generous tip at your favorite diner. They don’t generate a whole lot of spin either so the lower trajectory bounce out and roll is often the method for getting it close.

The reward for the worthy awaits....

The reward for the worthy awaits….

Far and away the biggest skills challenge in this nocturnal setting is pitching and chipping. You are 60 feet from the pulsating pin but with a four-bounce runner in your mind but you have no clue as to where the fairway ends and the pretty grass begins. Trying to visualize where to land the pitch when you cannot make out the laces on your shoes is like running the hurdles with your eyes closed, you are in for bruised shins or a face plant and there is nothing you can do about it.

Goodnight Moon

Goodnight Scotty….Goodnight Zuno…..Goodnight Moon

The peaceful tranquility of cruising about 120 mowed acres in the stillness of the night will remind you of playing Capture The Flag at summer camp. A very stealthy, almost ethereal experience with an occasional hoot and a high five thrown in. For golfing addicts this is probably the second most fun you can have in the dark and you get to keep your clothes on.

September, 2014

ALS-IBC Triple Play

ALS LogoWe have to give triple high fives to Andy Heiberger, assistant golf professional, for bold original theme and courageous creative execution in meeting the ALS-Ice Bucket Challenge.

Given the volume he endured in meeting the challenge he will be excused from naming half of the 2012 graduating class of Penn State in playing forward the challenge.

(stretch to full screen in YouTube for best effect)

There is a solid chance for an honorable mention at the Sundance Film Festival next February as it will be submitted in the Buoyant Garage Short Documentary category.

August, 2014


Trumped Up

With The Donald’s recent $20 million bargain basement acquisition of the posh Doonbeg Golf Resort in Ireland, soon to be renamed Trump International Golf Links Ireland, he has added another jewel to the Trump golf portfolio in major markets of the world.  He covered The Big Apple last fall when he completed the $200 million Giuliani/Bloomberg NYC construction boondoggle and took over management of a links course on a Bronx landfill to be called, what a surprise, Trump Links at Ferry Point.  The redesigned Trump National Doral will host the WGC Cadillac Championship in Miami in a couple of weeks.

The Donald with architect Gil Hanse…as always little doubt who’s in charge here

Embed from Getty Images

Which leads one to ponder what is left…..Cypress Point…..Royal Melbourne?  Well, as you can read in this entertaining piece  from GlobalGolf Postings,  Mike Cullity imagines that the next acquisition would be Augusta National.  A vivid imagination it is as he depicts the post tournament ceremony at the 78th masters…..very funny….not all that far fetched given The Donald’s M.O.

Cullity may need an addendum for what will be needed to replace the Eisenhower Tree for which the members of Augusta National are sitting Shiva since it’s demise last week in the Georgia Polar Vortex.  I am sure Trump’s replacement will be the biggest and most virile Loblolly Pine tree ever seen.

(Click and giggle at Mike Cullity’s “Dreaming of Donald Trump”)

Mike Cullity
GlobalGolf Postings

February, 2014