First, then, the toenails in old age grow almost as fast as the ears and the nose.  There is nothing you can do about them but you can spend a minute or two trimming the toenails.

Next, swallow a couple of Bufferin against the old back injury.  Next, a swift application of some mild anaesthetic for the bothersome scar tissue from that old haemorrhoidectomy.

Don’t forget the Tums, Bisodol or simply a packet of sodium bicarbonate as precaution against indigestion.

Clean the spectacles. Rub a little resin on the last three fingers of the left hand.

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Stand up straight-think of Raquel Welch (on second thoughts, don’t think of Raquel Welch).

Comb the hair smoothly and think of the swing of Dave Marr. Walk very slowly, masterfully, to the first tee. Put on the cap bought in Edinburgh and think of Hogan.

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Stand up straight.

Alistair Cooke

Golf-The Marvelous Mania (2007)